176. I Get Stuck Too… This is How I Overcome It

Do you ever feel like you get stuck in a funk… and no matter how hard you try you can’t seem to shake it?

I do too.

In today’s episode, I’m sharing one of my favorite productivity hacks with you to get your energy back.

I’ll see you inside! xo, Janeen

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[00:00:00] Janeen: Well, hey there, you guys, welcome back to another episode of becoming the CEO of your life. This is the show. That’s all about helping busy women to take control of their time and their lives to help them to become peacefully productive and make an impact. I am your host, Janeen Alley. I am a unique combination of life coach, productivity expert, and yoga teacher.

[00:00:22] And I am for sure, a hundred percent, committed to empowering you to make the most of the time that you have. All while finding balance and peace right now, even with all the things that you have going on, especially this time of year. So one of the things that I have coached on recently is how do I get myself out of this funk?

[00:00:42] We’re going to use funk as kind of this overarching space where we don’t want to be, right? Where you’re feeling all kinds of anxiety. Or overwhelm or irritation or uncertainty, disappointment, fear, there’s all kinds of places where we get stuck. And a lot of people are asking themselves, okay, how do I get [00:01:00] myself to do something that I don’t want to do?

[00:01:02] And I know that I have asked myself, how do I get myself to do the thing that feels scary when I don’t want to do that? And kind of just sitting on it. For a while and getting stuck in this funky place where I know I should or even can be thinking a different thought. But how do I actually get myself there?

[00:01:22] And we talked a lot about the model and changing your thoughts and changing your feelings, but I’m going to talk today about changing your state. And this has more to do with energy than it is anything else. And yes, your thoughts generate emotions, but I’m talking about just that little extra oomph right now that you might need

[00:01:42] to get yourself out of that space where you’re just, like I said, kind of in that funk where you just feel kind of stuck. And I know for me, this seems to drag on. It feels like I’m stuck in a slog sometimes. So becoming the CEO of your life means [00:02:00] that you need to be doing things differently than you currently are, which means that we need to be thinking different things and feeling different things.

[00:02:07] But even beyond that, we need to get good At generating energy when we don’t feel like we have any. And like I said, this goes beyond just regular run of the mill emotions that we talk about, right? We need to have the courage sometimes to say no, when we don’t want to, we need to have the courage to make an offer or get yourself to do something that you don’t want to do.

[00:02:30] Because so often these changes that we so desire, require us to be uncomfortable and still be okay. So the reason why you’re not currently doing what you desire, of course, is because of an emotion, right? Because emotions drive actions. But I am going to blow that out just a little bit further today and talk about state.

[00:02:53] Because sometimes we get into a state where we don’t even know what to do with ourselves, right? We kind of have this frenzied [00:03:00] thinking or we feel like we should be doing X, Y, Z, but we can’t actually get ourselves to do it. Or you should be feeling or thinking different things, but it doesn’t matter how many times you repeat the thought.

[00:03:12] You just can’t get yourself to believe it, or you just can’t get yourself to stop thinking it. I have talked with multiple clients recently that say, I’m just so mean to myself. I can’t get myself to stop thinking unkind things. This unkind conversation seems to be kind of stuck in this loop all the time.

[00:03:29] And I just can’t stop it. So first of all, you know, you have control over this. Right? I mean, if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you know, that thoughts generate emotions, which drive actions and get us results, right? This is something that hopefully you’re familiar with. If not stay in my world for a while and become more familiar to you, but you do have control over this.

[00:03:48] And so one of the ways that we get ourselves to think of the things is to practice thinking and believing new things. And this does work, but it doesn’t just happen by itself. There are some tricks and tools that we [00:04:00] can do kind of in the background to get ourselves to actually be in this space where we feel it, right?

[00:04:06] Not just the emotion part of it, but it feels like, yes, yes, yes, I can do this. All right. It’s not just thinking the thought over and over and repeating it. There is the energy of belief. And this has to do with state.

[00:04:17] And so this is what we’re talking about today. My coach, Brooke, has said before she’s used this example before about changing thoughts, and it’s just like, well, you can see the thought and you can see yourself continuing to believe it. Right. She’s like, it’s just like somebody saying, I don’t know how to get out of this chair.

[00:04:36] I just don’t know how to get out of this chair. It’s like, I don’t know how to stop thinking this old thought that I have that I want to change.

[00:04:41] And she’s like, you just got to stand up. You just have to stand up out of the chair, right? It’s the same with intentionally redirecting your thoughts. But like I said, sometimes we just need. A push. Sometimes we need somebody to kind of give us a little push from behind to get us to stand up. And that is what state is about [00:05:00] today. And so this is what we’re talking about. But I want to caution you before we dive into the content today, that there is a difference between trying to force an outcome or force a state change in your mind and in your body. This energy that I’m talking about.

[00:05:15] And then actually opting out of something because you’re really listening to yourself. Okay, there comes a point, y’all, I hope you’re listening to me because this is so cultural, where we really do need to take our foot off the gas. We’re human beings and we get tired sometimes, right? And it is actually more conducive to becoming even more productive in the future.

[00:05:40] If we just let ourselves take a break and relax versus. Procrastinating something like actually legitimately needed to get something done and being like, you know what, I think I need a break right now because I just don’t really feel like doing this. I’ve had clients before. It’s just like, well, I don’t want to.

[00:05:56] And that’s a good enough reason for me to stop y’all know [00:06:00] that there’s plenty of things that you and I both do during the day. That we don’t want to do. And yet we do it anyway. This is not a good enough reason for us to not do the scary thing. And this is a fine line I have experienced forcing and I’m sure many of you have as well and not having a very good experience with this because we feel out of balance. We feel exhausted, right? We ended up getting burned out by doing things.

[00:06:22] And there are days when I actually need to get things done because I have deadlines. And I understand that a lot of these are self imposed deadlines, and yet, I want to be the person that fulfills deadlines to myself, right? Even today. Today was the podcast deadline, and so here we are, because I keep my word to myself.

[00:06:40] Even though there were times during the day that I’m like, oh, squirrel, I think I want to do that other thing instead of actually getting the podcast done, for sure, right? This all happens to us. But there have also been times where I have definitely needed to at least take a break, if not pivot, when I was trying to continue to force an outcome. You [00:07:00] know when this happens because it feels like we’re trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

[00:07:05] It doesn’t work, right? We’re trying to force a creative outcome or we’re trying to force what we think what we should be doing in our lives or in our business. We’re trying to force a sale, for example. Another example of this that happened recently is I knew that if I was to try and sit down and force an outcome, but the class that I was taking I was going to sit there for four hours and get four minutes of work done.

[00:07:28] I was going to have to rewatch those videos over and over again. I knew that if I got up and I did something different, if I did something for me for a moment, if I filled my bucket for a second, I took a minute and came back, went for a walk that I would mentally and emotionally be back. I would be ready to work because my state was different.

[00:07:48] Okay, so you have to learn how to know what it is that you need. not what it is that you want. And I think that is the biggest difference for me between knowing when I’m procrastinating something and [00:08:00] doing something that I want to be doing instead of what it is that I don’t want to be doing in that moment, right?

[00:08:04] That’s why we procrastinate because we don’t want to do something right versus knowing what I actually need.

[00:08:10] I just need a nap I don’t need brownies, right? So one last thing I want to offer to you here is it’s not going to look the same every single day of the week or the month, right?

[00:08:23] I know for me, the amount of work that I can get done ebbs and flows, right? And it has a little bit to do with my hormones as well. So I know that I can get a lot of work done, probably three weeks out of the month. And then for at least two days. I need to really be gentle with myself, take my foot off the gas, give myself permission to take more breaks because I need them.

[00:08:44] It’s not that I want them, although that happens a lot, but I legitimately need them. And I know that if I continue to force or push during that time, it’s going to turn around and bite me in the butt later. Okay. So how do you switch your state in the [00:09:00] moment? I’m going to give you some of my tried and true tricks today on the podcast.

[00:09:05] You have to learn how to number one, watch the conversation that’s going on in your brain, right? Because that’s a huge piece of it. You have to figure out what your thoughts are. I talk a lot about this on the show. You also want to take a look around and say, okay, what is working here? So often I’ve had to make pivots because what I thought was going to work or what I wanted to work was not working. You also want to get quiet and ask yourself, what do you really need? Oftentimes it’s water. It’s a nap. It’s a walk outside. It’s quiet. What do you really need? Not what it is that you want. And we don’t need brownies like I just said.

[00:09:45] You want to make sure that you’re getting clarity from your highest self. I want to live a life that feels meaningful to me. I want to take care of my family and have really good and loving and amazing relationships with them. So I’m thinking, okay, how can I be [00:10:00] helpful?

[00:10:00] How can I be of service? How can I contribute to my family or my clients and students or my community around me? What am I thinking? And how am I feeling? So you want to get really clear on kind of this 30, 000 foot view, which is going to require that you get still. And I know that for some of you, this is very scary because you have to sit and you have to face yourself.

[00:10:22] You have to listen to the conversation that’s happening in your head. And like I said, for a lot of you, this isn’t very kind, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can actually have a really nice conversation with yourself. I do it all the time. And then you want to give yourself permission to make different choices.

[00:10:41] So often when we get to know ourselves, this is hard for us because there’s so much emotion. So I want to say that there is a difference between wallowing in your emotions and succumbing to them and getting carried off in the current of these emotional experiences that we have while feeling kind of [00:11:00] out of control versus allowing them to be there and just watching your experience.

[00:11:07] We can recognize our emotions, we can give them some air time, we can explore how they feel and what we’re thinking about and are those thoughts true and all of those things, but we don’t necessarily need to ride the wave of the emotion that gets us kind of caught in this space of feeling very reactive to our lives.

[00:11:25] Okay. So I learned all about how to change your state from Tony Robbins. And I just think that it’s such a beautiful concept and I love the model, like I said, it’s almost like a new energy that needs to happen in order to believe the thoughts that we’re trying to think. It needs to be this shift

[00:11:42] like I can believe this. I, I want to believe this. I can believe this. I do believe this. And there is a progression there that needs to happen. It’s not just picking a thought and believing the thought it’s actually changing your state. So it’s completely possible to change your state.

[00:11:58] I do these things a [00:12:00] lot. Actually, like if I know that I need to be on a webinar and I’m sitting there and I’m feeling kind of anxious and nervous before hopping on with a bunch of strangers, I actually do some of these things. So before we dive in, I want you to just think about this.

[00:12:14] What happens to you when your favorite song comes on, it just brings the energy to what it is that you’re doing. So oftentimes before I hop on a webinar, I actually will turn on my favorite music.

[00:12:27] I’ll dance around for five, 10 minutes. I also do this before I work out when I don’t want to. Turn on my music. I’m like dancing around for a minute. I’m like, okay, I can do a 30 minute workout. Let’s go. So I want you thinking about how this applies to your life and the model and the things that I’ve taught you so far in the podcast, because I don’t normally talk about changing your state.

[00:12:48] So ways that we can change our state for sure is getting back into a state where we’re regulated.

[00:12:55] When we’re regulated, we become more emotionally resilient and we can [00:13:00] feel all of the feelings, right? Because part of the reason why we are not moving forward is not because of the emotion itself it’s because of the resistance of it. We feel a fear and we back off. We’re like, I don’t want to do the thing that I know I need to do making the offer or whatever it is, because I’m afraid that’s the resistance instead of I feel the fear.

[00:13:26] I recognize it’s there. I’m going to move forward with it, even though it’s with me. I can still make this offer and I can still show up and do what I know I need to do in order to move the needle in my life.

[00:13:39] So there’s two things that I want you to know about dysregulation. When we’re dysregulated, we’re either hyper alert or we’re hypo alert. And I’m going to talk about both of these things right now. When we’re in this hyper alert state where our nervous system has let us know there’s danger.

[00:13:57] And oftentimes this is a perceived threat. It’s not something that’s actually [00:14:00] happening to us, but let’s say our kid jumped out and scared us, or somebody spilled the dinner on the floor or somebody threw your cashmere sweater in the dryer. Like there are things that are just like. What? You know,

[00:14:13] that gets us in the state of like, Oh my gosh, I am super anxious. I am afraid of what my husband is going to think or what so and so is going to say or I’m scared of being rejected. Okay. We’re in this space of the fight or flight. This is our sympathetic nervous system that’s activated and we’re looking around for the danger and we’re ready to either flee the scene or fight the bad guy.

[00:14:37] Okay. Even though. None of those things are happening. Most of the time. Sometimes, of course, we find ourselves in those kinds of situations, but most often not. The other space that we get ourselves stuck in when we’re talking about dysregulation is this hypo state, where our fight, flight, or freeze has been on for too long.

[00:14:57] And just living in our culture, this is so [00:15:00] easy to do, right? We are in this state of hyper alert for too long, just because of the day to day things that we’re… Experiencing we haven’t regulated our nervous system because we don’t do it regularly, or we don’t know how and then we crash. So this is this hypo alert where we feel overwhelmed or sluggish.

[00:15:18] We feel like we’re, we’re walking upstream. We get ourselves into this space where we feel depressed or hopeless or helpless, and we don’t want to do anything right. This is a sign that your nervous system is way overtaxed and it happens when our fight or flight is on for a super long time.

[00:15:36] Okay. So we, if you’re not used to regulating, you find yourself swinging between these two things often, and you’re not in that space of peace ever. So there is actually a quick solve I’m going to share with you right now. This is something that I’m really passionate about. And I know that this works because I do this all the time.

[00:15:53] So you want to be aware. Am I safe? Because your nervous system has let you know you’re not safe. Most of the time, like I said, [00:16:00] we are. It’s just lost keys. It’s just spilled smoothie. somebody honked their horn at you. And yet there’s been no accident. You’re safe. Okay. The next question is, do I feel safe?

[00:16:12] And most of the time it’s no, I don’t feel safe actually, because I’m scared that something Was going to happen to me, but like I said, my kid just jumped out and scared me because he thought it was going to be funny, right? So once you recognize, okay, I don’t feel safe, but I actually am safe. Now you’re able to relax your body You can do this in a myriad of ways. So one of the ways is you want to take a deep enough breath that you feel your ribs expand. Like you feel the little tiny muscles in between each of your ribs stretch a little bit. It feels good. Right in that space. If you couldn’t hear me on the podcast, I was taking a really deep breath in.

[00:16:54] Like you were right here with me. Okay. So you can take a deep breath and then you want to lengthen out the exhale. Anytime we [00:17:00] lengthen the exhale, it helps us to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. Okay. Just reminds ourselves. Okay. You’re safe to relax. You can step outside, you can get in some sunshine, you can place one hand on your belly, another hand on your heart.

[00:17:15] You can give yourself a really big hug and kind of gently squeeze yourself in that moment you can drink something warm. There’s lots of different ways that you can soothe your nervous system and help you to regulate. Okay, so that’s the first thing that I’m going to talk about as far as changing your state.

[00:17:30] The second piece that I learned from Tony Robbins is you can change your physiology. Okay, you need to get up and move. When we feel stuck or when we feel like we’re kind of in that funky space, like I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there for the rest of my life, right?

[00:17:49] When we’re kind of in this overly dramatic space we’re just kind of feeling down in the dumps there are ways that you can actually situate your body or move your body [00:18:00] to feel better. So the first one is to move your shoulders back. If you’re sitting with a rounded spine and our shoulders are moving forward. That is going to decrease our energy.

[00:18:10] So if we lengthen the spine and roll the shoulders back, if we smile, if we take a deep breath, these are ways that we can help ourselves feel better. Just moving your body is going to shift your energy. It’s going to change your state. So dancing, exercising, hugging someone, going outside for a walk. These are ways that you can change your physical body that help you to change your state.

[00:18:36] Okay, the next one has to do, it’s kind of along the lines of changing your language, which is going to help you change your thoughts, right? How are you talking to yourself? I am are very powerful words. I am kind. I am lazy. I am busy. I am overwhelmed. I am lonely. These have outcomes for us. [00:19:00] These are beliefs that we think.

[00:19:01] So we change the way that we talk to ourselves. We actually change our state as well. Oftentimes, when we are repeating mantras or we’re repeating thoughts that we’re trying to believe or practicing new thoughts and we don’t believe them, it’s because we’ve taken too big of a jump between where we are and where we want to go.

[00:19:19] And so we need to create little baby beliefs to get to where we want to go. Right? So I am grateful. I am enough. I am beautiful. I love you just the way that you are. I am determined. I am capable. I am present. I am bold. I am open minded. I am joyful. There’s so many different ways that we can talk to ourselves and about ourselves that help us to feel so much better.

[00:19:45] When you change your words, of course, you’re going to change your thoughts and your beliefs about yourself. If you can get yourself into a space where you’re creating these little baby beliefs to get to where you ultimately want to go, right? Words are habits. So pay attention to repetitive [00:20:00] thoughts that you’re saying that just aren’t serving you very well.

[00:20:02] Like the way that you talk about yourself, the way that you think your body looks, so the way that you do things or don’t do things, right? There’s a lot of ways that we talk. to ourselves. It just is really unkind. None of these things are true. So why are we saying these things, right? We all do this. So you want to start to notice, even if they happen after the fact, because you can change those things.

[00:20:24] for the future after you analyze them now. So you can go back and think about what it was that you were thinking that generated a feeling or an action, a result. And then you can start working on beliefs that feel better, that feel more empowered, that feel more aligned with who you need to be in order to accomplish your goals.

[00:20:44] Okay, the next thing is you can change your feeling focus without buffering. So if you’re dwelling on something, you can notice, okay, is it positive? Is it negative? Is it intentional? And you can start to explore your feelings about this. This is giving [00:21:00] them a chance to have their say. Okay, this is the processing part of the model that we don’t normally talk about.

[00:21:07] I talk about the model and how we notice our thoughts, generate emotions that drive actions and get results. You’re like, sweet, great, I need to do this. But the key ingredient is to actually be curious about the unintentional model that you notice you’re sitting in. Again, this is not wallowing. This is staying curious and allowing your experience to be what it is without wanting to immediately jump into an intentional thought.

[00:21:38] Sometimes when we’re in that stuck space, we just haven’t given ourselves time to actually listen to what is currently going on. And so we get stuck because, like I said, your emotions need a chance to have their say so make sure that you listen.

[00:21:52] All right, you guys, that’s what I have for you today. If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to encourage you to rate, review, and [00:22:00] share with family, friends, and neighbors, It helps me to expand my reach and it gets this content into the earbuds of women who really need it. And lastly, if you’re looking for ways to work together and connect with me, just reach out. I feel like I’m all over the place these days. So you can just go directly to my booking link on my calendar, janeenalley.com/ceo. You can also find me on Instagram @janeenalleycoaching. I hang out quite a bit over there and I answer DMs and. If you are interested in connecting, that is the way to do it.

[00:22:32] All right, you guys, I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. I will catch you guys soon. We’ll see.